You’ll probably hate me for this…

I realise I could be offending 80% of anyone reading this, but you should never be afraid to speak your mind just because people may disagree with you, so here goes:

My name is Vicki La Bouchardiere, and I don’t join Stupid Queues.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not an arrogant cow who barges people out of the way for no reason, and I have manners; I’ll hold doors open for people, give up my train seat for an old person, and change the loo roll when I use the last square, but if I see I Stupid Queue, I don’t get in it.

My definition of a Stupid Queue is any circumstance where you make the conscious choice to queue longer than you need to, because you don’t want to upset people.

I experienced a Stupid Queue yesterday on the way back from Bristol. There were road works on the motorway, and there were warning signs that the lanes were due to merge, but long before the signs even began, there was a Stupid Queue in the left-hand lane; car after car, needlessly motionless.

I would say 80% of drivers were sat patiently in it. The rest of us, quite legally and safely, used the empty lanes.

Opinions are most definitely divided on the subject of queuing for roadworks.

The argument should be resolved by referring to the Highway Code, but sadly they leave it too woolly:

“262: When the 'Road Works Ahead' sign is displayed, you will need to be more watchful and look for additional signs providing more specific instructions.
* You MUST NOT exceed any temporary maximum speed limit.
* Use your mirrors and get into the correct lane for your vehicle in good time and as signs direct.”

The trouble is, everyone has a different opinion of what constitutes “good time”. For some, it’s as soon as they clap eyes on a lane-closure sign. For others, it’s when the two lanes physically merge.

I know this is going to upset a lot of people, as the majority of drivers join queues as soon as they see them but, in my opinion, the lanes should merge just before the cones. I don’t see the point of queueing earlier just to be “fair”.

What’s fairer, a 4X4 square or a 16X1 rectangle? Neither. They’re just shapes with the same area.

Similarly, a three-mile queue in one lane is no fairer than a one-mile queue in three lanes if everyone uses all three lanes to begin with.

Now, everyone has choices, and if you prefer to sit in a queue, then go for it.

The ones who stand out as giant skid marks on the pants of humanity are the self-elected Lane Police. These Guardians of the Stupid Queue consist mainly of the odd grumpy lorry driver, and travel-sweet-sucking, bowls-club committee members who straddle two lanes to stop others getting past.

(I won’t drive dangerously to overtake them, so I sit behind them nicely and contemplate my naval for as long as it takes. It’s not the same as opting to join a Stupid Queue; I’m merely obstructed by a lump of Stupid, which requires a different plane of thinking.)

I’ve had a look on forums to see if there is any real justification for immediately grinding to a halt in one lane, but I found opinions based on flawed logic and emotion.

“If I can be in the right lane at the right time, and they can't be bothered to be in the right lane, then I can't be bothered to let them in. Those same people wouldn't try to force their way in front of me at a supermarket checkout, so why do they consider it OK to do it on the road?” Rolebama

No, Rolebama – I wouldn’t dream of pushing in front of you at a supermarket checkout, but I sure as hell don’t think everyone should queue up for one bloody checkout when others are empty, just because there is only one door out of the supermarket.

“I think that the people who queue jump think they are more important than the rest of us, but mainly the boy racer, sales rep or business owners seem to do it the most.” tommytwotanks

I’m sorry tommytwotanks, (there’s an anagram in there somewhere) when is the last time you made a legitimate demographic study of drivers approaching roadworks?

“I'm not joking, I never let them in (even if it means driving 1cm from the car in front to stop them squeezing in). Let the obnoxious b***tards wait for ever.” Solare

Jeez, Solare. You are one angry fucker, and it’s illegal to drive with just a fag-paper between you and the car in front.

But, Solare is nowhere near as angry as Googleking who says, on the subject of drivers undertaking queues on the hard shoulder:

Yes, hard shoulder driving is a definite no-no”. I agree with you Googleking, that’s just wrong. But then he says:

“People that do that are truly arrogant and ought to be shot in the face.”

Jesus!

There is some real anger out there. Just think, if you are queue-lover, you could be sat behind an aggressive psycho like Googleking, thinking the vegetarian life-coach overtaking you is the nutter!

I won’t make any new friends expressing this opinion, as people who join Stupid Queues will always justify their behaviour and demonise mine, but their is behaviour is, on the whole, driven by emotion not logic.

I know this, because I get far more resistance to merging into a queue in my Range Rover than my Smart Car. I guess most people think female Range Rover drivers are spoilt bitches, whereas female Smart Car drivers are prone to making genuine mistakes (like they did in the car showroom).

Regardless of whether you think people should join the longest queue for roadworks or not, the point I’m making here is just because most people act in a certain way, it doesn’t mean you are wrong to do something differently, even if you meet resistance.

The problem is in their heads, not yours. If the road is clear, keep your foot down, and ignore the negativity.