I bet you thought today was just another ordinary day…
Most days come and go without very much happening at all, but now and again you get the odd little corker that slaps you out of your sleep and makes you think about stuff. Big stuff. Life changing stuff.
Today is one of those days.
Today is the day you begin to discover how to put an end to those screwed-up feelings that take the fun out of your life: The feeling that your once perfect relationship has been run over by a truckload of bollocks. The feeling that your love life is rattling down the rusty train-tracks of routine and predictability, and the scenery makes you want to scoop out your eyes with a spoon. The feeling of “Is that all there is?”
Unhappy relationships are deadly; they suck your life force and shrivel your soul. So-so relationships are just, well, “Meh”. But great relationships light you up from the inside and can boost every aspect of your life. It’s never too early or too late to have a great relationship, and I’m going to show you how.
How you achieve it may surprise you.
I’m Vicki La Bouchardiere (also known as The Ultimate Mindset Warrior, but more that later). I’m a professional life coach and mind-set expert. I spend all my working hours, and most of my non-working hours studying what goes on inside people’s heads. In my years as a coach, I have come across folk from all backgrounds and occupations, and there’s one thing I can tell you for sure; everyone is wrestling with something, no matter how successful and composed they look on the outside.
Many people struggle with their closest relationships, from occasional feelings of mild frustration through to full-blown, all-encompassing loathing. Relationship problems can seem much harder to deal with than, say, money problems or health worries because when you feel loved, the other piles of doo-doo are easier to shovel.
The strategies I give you in this book are all based on my experience of what really works to improve relationships. You don’t have to convince your partner to join you in any kind of woo-woo, touchy-feely stuff that he’ll hate. It’s all based on what you can do yourself. I have done this deliberately so your results won’t depend on anyone else’s input.
I also use “tough love” deliberately. Sometimes, you just need to be told things straight; the things your friends want to tell you but won’t because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. It’s not that I don’t care about your feelings, I just care about your potential for real happiness more. Sometimes you don’t make changes unless you feel pain first. That’s why I occasionally get tears from my clients. I know we have reached an important turning point when the waterworks start.
The ideas you will find in this book are simple but powerful. If you use them I can guarantee you will see big changes in your life. Sadly, if you are like most people, you will do nothing. The majority of people on the planet say they want a happier life but are too lethargic and brain-washed to do anything about it. I say “brain-washed” because they observe family and friends arguing with their partners, going to jobs they hate, letting their health go down the pan, and believe that’s the way it should be.
I hope you want more than that, and I am here to help you. You’ll find my support goes way this book; I’m committed to helping you stay on track with whatever changes you want to make. Whether or not we have met, I really do care what happens to you when you have read this book. It’s all too easy to take in new ideas and think, “I’m going to try this!” then in a day or two you forget all about it.
Personal development is like washing or exercising; you don’t do it once and expect the effects to last. If you want to make changes in your life, you have to put in the effort, and being supported to keep going can make all the difference. That’s why I’m offering you free access to additional coaching goodies at the end of this book, so you don’t have to feel as if you are doing it alone.
I’m passionate about showing people how to live happier lives: My wonderful friends and family are my inspiration for writing this book; I wanted to put the good stuff I have learnt and used over the years into a book they would enjoy. It had to be a book that would make them laugh or they just wouldn’t read it, so you have them to thank for any useful nuggets of information you glean for yourself.
Why the Ultimate Mindset Warrior?
The reason I call myself “The Ultimate Mindset Warrior” is because “The Bird Who Teaches People How to Think Better So They Can Stop Bitching and Moaning and Get On and Do Something Brilliant with Their Lives” doesn’t have the same ring to it.
I want to help you achieve your “Ultimate Mindset”, and that involves working out the best set of thoughts and behaviours that will enable you to achieve what you want, whether it’s improving your relationship, getting fit or changing career.
My alter-ego (brought to life in picture form by my very talented daughter, Paris) is a representation of my inner Warrior.
Yes, I am well aware it will have my more “down to earth” friends and family rolling their eyes and saying “WTF? That’s not you! You’re crap at archery. You don’t have a six pack. And you don’t wear hot-pants, thank God.”
Those small details aside, my Warrior is the splendid creature inside me who will still be there when I’m 124 years old and summoning the mental strength to install the latest version of Windows. She cheered me on through the 1980’s in my tough teenage years when I became a mum before I left school. She was right there when I started my property business in 2000, and pushed me to reach my goal of living in a million pound house. She didn’t give up on me when I went bankrupt nine years later, and she drove me to create my new career as a coach when I had to start all over again from nothing.
She is the butt-booter who hauls me out of my warm bed on a dark, rainy morning and makes me sweat at the gym. She made me write this book when the biggest part of me wanted to put it off until I had more time. She is basically the very best bits of me without all the crap excuses I sometimes give myself.
What would your Warrior look like? Maybe she is a sultry seductress who draws people under her spell with her rock solid self-confidence and no-hecks-given attitude. Or maybe she’s a scary 1980’s dinner lady with huge breasts and a mouth like a villain from a Guy Ritchie film, who doesn’t take any shit from you.
Whatever she looks like, get a clear picture of her in your head, because she can really help you when you don’t feel strong enough, clever enough or lovable enough.
If you are feeling creative, why not draw a picture of her and email it to me? I’d love to see what she looks like, even if she’s a just stick lady with written notes!
A Few Notes Before You Get Going:
1. You may find this book offensive. There’s no sex (well, not much) and no violence, but there is some bad language. You have been warned.
2. This book is split in to two parts: Part One gives you a Dickhead Spotters’ Guide, in which I describe the various types of Dickhead, ranging from the harmless to the downright dangerous. While the less harmful Dickheads can be funny to read about, you may find some of the more serious types quite upsetting. I need to prepare you for this; I didn’t just write this book for fun - I deal with some serious issues as I believe they need to be discussed.
3. You may notice your partner shares similarities with more than one type of Dickhead, or he may be a brand new breed I have never come across before. If so, please email me to tell me all about him. I may get enough suggestions for a sequel!
4. You may be tempted to skip over the types of Dickhead that don’t relate to your partner, but read them all if you can, as you never know when a friend might need a little help in the Dickhead department. I’ve kept them short and sweet so they won’t take long to read.
5. Part Two contains my tried and trusted methods for helping you make the right changes in your life, and for developing your Ultimate Mindset to take you forward. This is the part where you get to think about yourself, and what you can do to make your life awesome. You will also find details of how we can stay in touch long after you have read this book, so that you have the best chance of staying on track with any changes you decide to make.
6. If you have something good to share, then please email me. I’d love to hear your ideas and experiences. I really want to know what you have found useful in this book, so don’t be shy!
I wonder how you came to be reading this book…
Was it a present from an extremely hilarious mate who loves winding your partner up? Maybe you bought it for yourself because you couldn’t resist the thought of casually whipping it out one evening and seeing how long it takes him to notice the title.
Or, maybe you are genuinely struggling with your relationship at the moment and want to make some changes.
Whatever the reason, I am just glad we are having this chat.
Treat it as a bit of “me time”. Most of us are guilty of running around at a million miles an hour, not taking time to think about ourselves. If we keep going, we end up like a blender on full speed without a lid; things are gonna get messy. So, slow down, take a break and indulge yourself.
(Hey, go and grab yourself a coffee if you like - I’ll wait here...)
Take this time to open your mind to the feast of insights and strategies I have for you that will help you conquer all manner of irritations and annoyances. You will be able to deal with any situation with a little more grace and style, and spend less time bursting blood vessels over things which don’t warrant expending your precious energy. This, incidentally will have a better anti-aging effect than any premium skincare product. Nothing wrecks your looks faster than having a constant cob on.
Education and beauty therapy, Vicki? You’re welcome.
By the way, this isn’t a man-hating book. I love the men in my life; I have an amazing partner, two gorgeous sons and a cool step-son…I love my dad, my brother, my nephews and my great-nephew, I love all my male friends, and I used to employ a whole bunch of brilliant blokes when I ran a building company. I am even good friends with my ex-husband – he was the first one to pre-order this book!
Neither is this book a feminist rant about how women are superior to men. There are good people and there are not-so-good people, it doesn’t matter if you have a Hosepipe or a Hoohoo. Women can be Dickheads too! Although the book is written from a woman’s perspective, many ideas apply equally to both sexes. I am not discriminating here, so please feel free to change the gender in your head, just read “Dickhead” as any significant other who occasionally (or frequently) does your noodle for whatever reason.
Since you have decided to read further after seeing the title of this book, I am also assuming you are OK with a bit of rudeness in the language department. If you aren’t then please stop reading now and go and purchase one of the many politely written books on relationships out there. Whatever you do, please don’t waste your time writing to complain about the odd curse here and there. I do it for a reason; it’s not that I don’t have the vocabulary to write without expletives, it is simply because when our partner is pushing our buttons, we tend to use more colourful language internally.
We don’t say to ourselves “Heavens, you are being quite the scoundrel today”. We lock eyes with him, raise our brows and think “You complete and utter Dickhead”.
And it’s for those very moments I am here to help; the times when you are seriously wondering what mind-altering drugs must have been in your system when you first fell in love. Now, it’s entirely possible you have been given this book as a funny wedding present. If so, then keep reading, because no matter how bright the rays emitting from his rectum are right now, there may come a day when he drops rapidly in your estimations and you feel like taking a spade to his head.
This book is all about your happiness, pure and simple. I suppose the title is slightly misleading, as I am not suggesting you should live out your days with an obnoxious toss-pot no matter how he behaves. But, there are times when we can avoid aggravation, tears and arguments by being a bit more aware of what is causing the grief in the first place.