Ever say you’re going to do something then give up when it starts to feel uncomfortable for you? Things like losing weight, or training for a run, or writing a book or studying for an exam? You make all the excuses under the sun for why you aren’t able to do it – you don’t have the time, something stressed you out and put you off course, somebody made it difficult for you…
I had a lazy Sunday morning last weekend and watched a programme called “Obese- A Year to Save My Life”. It’s one of those popular documentary style programmes that shows people being coached by experts to make weight-loss transformations. I love watching stuff like this as I find it fascinating how different people react to pushing themselves outside their comfort zones.
In this particular programme, Tony, a 49-year-old guy weighing 400lb (28.5 stone) was being coached to lose half his body weight in a year. He was told he wouldn’t live much longer of he didn’t. You might think that would be enough to make anyone lose weight, but often it isn’t. People make excuses about why their circumstances make it impossible to get fit, and carry on being dangerously overweight.
Tony put his weight gain down to the stress of having a son with cerebral palsy when he was 21, and working in the fast-food industry all his adult life. Food was his comfort – something many of us can relate to, but it was killing him.
Tony set off really enthusiastically with a great attitude. He wanted to lose half his body-weight by his 50th birthday – a year from his first weigh-in, so that he could feel good about himself and live longer for the sake of his children. He was given guidance on food and exercise by his coach.
Almost as soon as he started, he heard the devastating news that his disabled son was gravely ill and fighting for his life. Tony was devastated, but used his emotion to spur him on rather than give up – in his mind, both he and his son were fighting for their lives and if he didn’t give up then he hoped his son wouldn’t either.
Tony was 100% focused on his weight-loss goal. He was committed to eating healthily and spent many hours working out – so many hours that his fiancé complained that he didn’t spend enough time with her anymore and she found his new diet was too restrictive for her to deal with. She had no interest in joining him getting fit, even though she was very overweight herself.
Tony had to choose between his weight-loss goal and her, and he chose to stick to his guns even when it meant losing her. Their relationship had ended and he moved out.
He kept repeating on camera that this was the first time in his life he was doing “something for Tony”, and it felt too important to let anything or anyone stand in his way.
Tony had nowhere to go when he left his fiancé, and spent his time either sofa-surfing or living in his car. He was homeless. He could have turned to junk food at this point but he didn’t; he kept buying healthy food and he kept working out.
He kept losing the weight.
A few months later, he suffered the devastating blow of his son’s death. He was grief-stricken. He could have turned to food and given up exercising in the midst of this tragic event, and nobody would have blamed him, but to him, his own health had become an all-encompassing priority, and not even a tragedy that huge could derail him.
He had made his own health a complete priority. Absolutely nothing could stop this guy. On his 50th birthday they filmed his final weigh-in. He had lost half is body-weight- over 14 stones – as he had intended, and he was quite rightly very emotional as he reflected on how it had been both the best and most difficult year of his life. He had a new fiancé and had retrained in a new career. He had turned his life around, despite everything being stacked against him.
I was watching this thinking about how make excuses for myself. I weigh a few pounds more than I want to at the moment – nothing much, but enough to niggle me that I can’t get into my size 8 jeans. I am always derailing – I say I have to eat chocolate when I am hormonal, I reward myself with a cake when I have had a busy day at work, and I eat a full English breakfast in a hotel because I’m on holiday, and holidays don’t count when it comes to calories…all sorts of bullshit like that…
Compared to Tony, I am a feeble twat. I have no right to complain about my clothes not fitting because I haven’t been fully committed to my own weight-loss goal, plain and simple.
Is the same true for you? I’m not necessarily talking about weight loss goals here – but anything you say you want to do, and keep giving yourself excuses as to why it’s too difficult for you right now.
Well, feck your excuses and the feeble horse they rode in on!
It isn’t too difficult.
You just don’t want it enough.
Why? Maybe you think you are being too selfish going for your goals when the people around you complain that it feels bad for them. Maybe you just don’t see the end vision clearly enough. Maybe you aren’t doing it for yourself – you are doing it to impress someone else. Maybe you are afraid of failure so give up before you have given it a really good try.
Whatever it is you are aiming for, whether it’s weight-loss, a marathon run, starting a business, or being the best parent you can be, make sure you have worked out not just What you want, but Why you want it.
Then work out How; what you must do and who can help you?
It also helps to give yourself a When, too. It helps you visualise a point in time when you will feel great because you did what you set out to do.
Above all, don’t give up on yourself even when things feel difficult. Your own excuses will be your downfall: If you never give yourself any, nothing can get in your way. This life isn’t a dress rehearsal, so either go for what you want, fully committed, or stop your moaning!
Getting help along the way is vital to achieving great things, and I can help you – FREE! It’s easy to get derailed, and because of this, I send out free coaching tips and insights every weekday that will help you get the most out of your life. It’s part of my big goal to improve the lives of a million people by changing the way they think. Be warned – my emails aren’t for everyone – I sometimes use bad language and talk about rude stuff because I like to have a laugh with my readers, so don’t sign up if you are easily offended. If you are open minded and up for some fun in your in-box (ooh-err), you can sign up on the form opposite.
I used to dread Valentine’s Day. The single most depressing activity of my unhappily married life was looking for greetings cards for my husband. I would look at all the lovely words in the cards expressing love and gratitude for time spent together, and although I didn’t hate my husband and we rumbled along together without constantly fighting, I felt signing my name at the bottom of a verse of sweet sentiment was just plain lying and I ended up having to go for the comedy cards, or simply ones which said Happy Anniversary or Happy Valentine’s Day. What I really wanted was a card that said:
Valentine’s Day. Really?
It’s not long after Christmas
And I’m finding it quite hard
To buy another present
And another sodding card
So here’s some heart shaped chocolates
(I thought that we could share…)
Not thoughtful or original
Do I look as if I care?
It looks pretty sad when you see it in verse, but it was the way I felt in the latter part of my married life. My ex had his faults but he wasn’t a monster, and most of the internal damage was done by me; I used to focus on feeling sorry for myself and wish someone would come along with a magic wand to make my life amazing.
I didn’t realise I was the one with the bloody wand. Nobody told me. But I am here to tell you that your magic wand is around somewhere. You just need to find it. It’s somewhere buried under the piles of “I Hate My Job” and “My Thighs Are Too Fat”. If it’s not there, try looking down the back of the “If He Cared About Me, He Wouldn’t be Such a Dick” sofa.
I am a life coach, and in my new book “How To Live With a Dickhead”, I give you all the advice you need to find your magic wand and make your life amazing. It’s written in down to earth language and I do swear a bit so please don’t buy it if you are easily offended!
After spending a night on the town doing research for my book “How To Live With a Dickhead”, I was amazed at what I found…
I’ve been getting a great response to my weekday emails – so many people tell me they look forward to getting their daily dose of tips, insights and motivation thrown together with a bit of humour and rudity.
Don’t let the term “Life Coach” put you off: I’m not a tree-hugger but I do have one simple aim – to teach you how to think better so you can have a happier life. Who wouldn’t want that?
Please don’t sign up if you’re easily offended. I occasionally use bad language and inappropriate humour. I do it to filter out excessively dull people from my life. You have been warned.
If you are intent on being a miserable fucker for the rest of your life, I probably can’t help you, but if you want to get on board with a happier vibe then give me your email address and let’s get talking!
Unless you’ve been hiding in a cave all day today, you will have heard the utterly shite news that David Bowie has died.
I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like at least some of his music, because his output was so unbelievably diverse. Much has been said in the news about how influential he has been in modern music, but he was so much more than a musician.
Bowie gave the masterclass in how not to give a fuck about what anyone thought of him. He did whatever he wanted, extremely fricking well, and wasn’t afraid to be absolutely true to himself, even if that “self” kept changing dramatically.
If you have a burning desire to stay exactly as you are for ever, then do that. It’s your right and privilege.
However, if you feel the urge to change things in your life, then don’t wait for everyone else’s approval before you give yourself the go-ahead. You will always have people around you who don’t want you to change. It’s not because they aren’t supportive, it’s because they love the “you” that you are now.
You’re different, and you must embrace that. You have something unique to give the world, and you might have to wait a long time before gaining approval from your friends and family to live the way you want to.
David Bowie was a legend because he listened to the voice in his head and worked hard to gift his ideas to the world. There may be many other “Bowies” walking the planet right now with genius whirl-pooling inside them, but if they don’t get over their fear of failure, rejection or having to work hard for it, their genius will die with them.
Imagine if the rock-star scientists like Da Vinci, Darwin and Einstein hadn’t conveyed what was going on in their brilliant brains. What genius insights have been lost because their owners didn’t have the balls or tenacity to get them out there?
If you have ideas, talents or a desire to be different, then it’s your duty to the whole fricking human race to be the person you feel you were born to be.
And it doesn’t matter if you change your mind along the way.
It’s not all about being a global legend; when you are true to yourself you inspire and encourage others to do the same. You may never be famous or rich, but you can give something to others that money cannot buy – you give the gift of your true self, and in doing so you give others permission to do the same.
If you need a regular reminder to be the best bad-ass version of yourself, then you can sign up to my emails which I send out every weekday, to inspire you to give less fucks about what everyone else thinks and get serious about claiming your happiness.
Rest in Peace, DB and thank you for sharing, inspiring and just being you. Whichever “you” you were at the time.
So, how are your New Year’s goals going?
I’m happy to say, going to the gym is one of my good habits and it was formed years ago. If I don’t work out, I feel edgy and restless (like when you realise you are wearing your most uncomfortable pants but are too far from home to do anything about it).
Contrary to popular knowledge, it does not take 21 days to form a habit. Philippa Lally, a researcher at University College London, has found it can take anything from 2 to 8 months for people to form habits, it just depends on the person.
I’m sorry if that comes as bad news to you if you thought you’d be all sorted with your newly formed super-star habits by the end of the month.
It might not happen that easily.
But here’s a great little trick that should help you get through those vital habit- forming weeks and months…
(I apologise if this post is starting to look like a psychology text book, but I like to credit people with their research – they work hard to produce this good shit!)
Peter Gollwitzer researches the science of motivation with his buddies at New York University, and they have found that just “vowing” to do something is pretty much useless.
It rarely works.
What really works is making vivid, concrete plans to carry out your intentions.
Here’s an example:
Instead of saying “I’m going to start running again”, what you say is “Tomorrow morning, after I have brushed my teeth, I’m going to put on my green shorts, pink stripy top and purple trainers (I didn’t say you had any dress sense…) and I am going to run gently to the Co-op and back”.
That is an example of a vivid, concrete plan. You know the When, the Where and the How in full detail.
You can do it with anything from your fitness goals to other tasks you keep putting off, such as sorting your knicker drawer (and setting fire to the ones that give you wedgies).
It’s best to hang your new desired action off one you know you will already take, like having your morning coffee or lunch, so that you have a trigger for your action. It primes your brain to make it happen.
So, don’t give up when your motivation starts to fade – get VIVID and stay on track!
If you want to get good tips like this delivered to you every day, then sign up for my emails, which I send out every week day.
No I didn’t get the picture wrong – I know it’s 2016, Woo Hoo!!
Hope you had a great Christmas break, but before you start heading off into the “New Year New Me” euphoria, let’s wind back a few years to 2011…
Can you remember what New Year’s Resolutions you made way back then?
Now, I don’t mean to piss on your fireworks if you have just finished your first gym workout of the year (because it was silly starting your new fitness regime Friday as the gym was shut New Year’s Day, and Saturday was a no-no as you had a party that night and Sunday was impossible because you felt rougher than a badger’s buttocks…) but is it at all possible that you made the same promises to yourself in 2011 as you did this year?
Well, one thing’s for sure – you wont be alone. Only 8% of people actually stick to the promises they make themselves (and probably 80% of those questioned lie when asked!) so something is going badly tits-up somewhere!
It’s not that you don’t want better life for yourself; a fitter, less hungover, richer, more dynamic, more organised, more educated, well travelled and “speaker of more languages” you.
It’s just that you have yet to understand what drives your behaviour and causes you to slip back into your lazy, junk eating, wine-swilling, unambitious, can’t-be-arsed to take my coat to the dry-cleaners, “Well everyone understands English if you SHOUT CLEARLY, so why bother with a new language” you.
For all the good intentions you have, there will be a HUGE part of you, as big as the wet part of an iceberg, that will be pulling you back to your old ways.
If you want to make significant changes, you’re gonna need all the help you can get!
And OOOH!! What’s this you have stumbled upon? A post from a brilliant Life Coach and Mindset Expert (that’s me, by the way) offering you FREE emails every weekday to keep you motivated, informed and inspired.
This really is your lucky day!
I’m offering to pack your head with loads of good shit I know about changing lives for zero quids. I’m doing this because I have a personal goal to improve the lives of a million people by changing the way they think. Not everyone can afford one-to-one coaching with me because I’m not cheap, but that’s not going to stop me sharing what I know with you.
Of course, nothing can substitute personalised coaching sessions where I get to know you and guide you specifically towards your very own goals, but some people either can’t afford that, or don’t realise the impact investing in coaching can make on their lives.
So, if that’s you – too broke or too cynical to pay for coaching because you fear it may be a load of bollocks – then get yourself signed up to my weekday emails…
I may have sprayed a little wee on your fireworks, but I do it because I care! I want you to succeed this year and be the person you really want to be!
You can sign up just here:
You won’t regret it, and if you do you can easily unsubscribe (…none taken).
By the way, I don’t share email addresses with companies because I hate spam and I expect you do too.
I hope I’ll be speaking to you again soon
P.S. I swear a bit sometimes and I am occasionally rude so if you are easily offended, these emails may not be for you. You have been warned! 🙂